“Your mind had understood, but your heart hasn’t”

It was a colleague who said those words to me last week. I expressed my feelings of seeing my last boy being in his high for his independence. With Sam it was easier, maybe because of the fact that I still had another one coming. It was so I almost didn’t notice it. But now….

Him, myself and friends

I don’t want you readers to think that this has become a dog blog. But let’s face it. Both boys are nowadays kissing other girls than their mother (yes, I do spy on them and I’m not ashamed) and my role in their life is changing. I’m no-longer the centre of their universe and that…

Life reminding itself

You need them. Once in a while you need that inexorably punch in your stomach. A punch that shakes you to your core. A blow that makes an average Friday night important and reminds you that all your days are the most important you have. Because they are your life. I was aimlessly scrolling my…

The Friendship Inn

Last week it was Gothia Cup, the largest football youth cup. Fabbe’s team was there. His first time. As the mother I am, and can be. I took my work computer and camera and logged in at The Friendship Inn. Once again my childhood friend opened her doors for me and lend me a bed….

Perspectives of time

I’m conscious about time. In the bigger perspective. To stop daily and reflect over things (usually my children and/or feelings connected to everyday activities). This gives me an awareness of now. A now that tomorrow is part of the past. It gives me knowledge that I was present while alive. I believe this will grant…

Paris report – Day#3

We are our way to the airport- hopefully they – the French – wait until tomorrow to go out on strike. Our last day was just as good a the two previous. With 16000 steps and with a lot of help from the metro we manage to cover the both parts of Paris we already…

Paris report – Day #2

Today we went in the opposite direction – towards Champs-Élysées. The mission was the same. Find a good deal. If the findings were, I’m not the one to tell. But I understood that the PSG jersey was. Even-though it is last season’s model (and most possibly therefore it was a bargain). I feel unbelievable blessed…

Paris report – Day #1

I must say Fabian is somewhat modest when his uses the word “good” in his review of the day. At one time he was saying that his mind was spinning of the huge supply especially as it’s combined with a sale to up to 50%! We stated our day at Galeries Lafayette Haussmann. From there…

We ❤️ Paris

Late yesterday evening, with the help of an ex football pro who played with Kevin De Bruyne in Genk we arrived to the wonderful hotel Belleval. Today we are excitingly scouting for all the bargains on our way to Mona Lisa.

And the little one ❤️

Last day in junior high for this lad. I just can’t believe what time has done. I know I sound like a broken record but I just don’t. I’m so proud of both my boys.

Graduation

So, it’s done. Graduation. We got to have a wonderful day for our Sam. Thanks to all our friends and family. Now high schools over and now he only needs to study if he wants to. Monday – work starts – an assistant nurse ready to care for you. His mum’s going to rest her…

Prom

There are so much happening in Sam’s life right now. Prom was one thing happening this week. I would’t say that prom in Sweden is not the same as in the US. First I thought it had to do with tradition, but the I realized that I had one and that is… years ago. But…

Check ✅

An immense milestone was reach yesterday for our first born. Driving license. Oh they joy. It has been a somewhat struggle, but he kept the spirit, with strong support from his partens (primarily his mother I’d say). For me as a parent it’s paradox feeling. Happy for his success but also worried for the fact…

What happened

Today Sam came home with his graduation cap. I can’t comprehend this. Our oldest is done with school. He’s officially a real adult and we don’t need to care for him. Naturally I teared up. I’m so not ready for this and I force myself to remind myself what his daycare teacher Helene told me,…

L.❤️.V.E

Sometimes it’s simple. Love. It’s just like this.

Fantastic parents

Sam wasn’t selected to make the military service. Due to lactose intolerance… We were all kind of surprised about this, especially that it wasn’t sorted before the physical visit. We were thinking that he might get removed by his hearing, but he never came that far. But no sad faces on any of us. And…

Have faith

Yesterday there was a party for our young adult. 15 friends showed up (they were invited). Young adults, mainly of the male gender. What a great bunch! When the party was over the last ones standing both initiated and handed the cleaning – the house was almost in a better shape after than when they…

Sam our man ❤️

He had us waiting. Not for long, but we first had some else cooking for May 2003, but “thankfully” that unborn was lost. But then he came. He was planned for 2 January 2004, but thanks to being a breech baby, we got a planned c-section and then – to meet my wish of not…

The best

Sam bought the family the best Christmas gift ever – a chess game. Chess?! The closest I’ve come to understanding chess is watching all episodes of The Queens Gambit. Chess has always frighten me. The pieces are many, have funny names and can go in different directions – all in different ones. It’s all just…

They made it

Fabian’s football team had qualifying games for a national league (which of course is not one, but several). Anyhow, there were three teams qualifying and… Do you know what?! The boys did it. So next season they will meet fierce competition, making them better players. Fabian chose to get ill after the first game and…

Proud, prouder, proudest

We barely made it home from our lunch date when our soccer app provided us with the news that Fabbe scored in his first ever game with youth aged 19. He was substituted in the 85th minute and scored in the 90th. I screamed (as I usually do when it comes to soccer) and was…

Sittning here

Here I am, sitting and feeling ridiculously blessed. Blessed for all the birthday wishes sent to me. Especially of the friends taking 5 (!) minutes of their time and giving me a phone call ❤️. But especially for my precious PRECIOUS family. The wonderful husband and two equally magical sons. Picking out personal gifts hitting…

When things don’t turn out

Sometimes things don’t turn out as you think. But then you can bake. With your son. When done you enjoy your fika.

Sit down in the boat

Sometimes the only thing one needs to do, is nothing and things will just solve themselves. Yesterday I had my first day back in (home) office. Wednesday I spent in bed. With a sore throat and generally feeling blah. While doing so, Christmas danced out as we spoke about the other day. Apparently my tinsel…

Football

It’s everything for him. If nobody wants to join he goes down to the pitch himself and practices and practices.

History repeats itself

I remember it as it was yesterday. The Mr and I was leaving the hospital with our firstborn for the first time. The midwife (or if it was a nurse) said: “Don’t forget, now you have a new boss.” At the time I got offended (of course), which I didn’t show (could have happen). I…

Just like that

Mr F broke his arm 1.5 hrs into the ski vacation in the Austrian alps. The Dock children and their skiing traditions… Never the less. The Mr and I discussed shortly if F should fly home by him self. And a couple of hours later they called. My loving parents. 80 years old, they come…

Slipping

Can you feel it? How its disappearing? How its slipping away right at your fingertips? We know that our children are only a loan. They are only “yours” for a tiny time. Ours are leaving, I have a hard time understanding this. That soon it is me and the Mr only. Again. Before that I…

Limits

Sometimes I notice how limiting others (especially grown-ups) are towards other people. It’s especially upsetting when they are it towards children (and naturally my own). Do not limit the brains of a youngster! Let them believe they can accomplish anything and everything. Hopefully, with my awareness, I’m not. On the other hand I know that…

Happiness is a question

Happiness comes in different forms. Like a question from a boy. A boy, tall like a man but still a boy. A question that shows he’s thinking about his future and that he wants something.

Something is happening

When looking at our youngest son and then taking a quick glance in my Instagram feed it’s clear. He is growing. Taking his first small steps into adolescence. Slowly that all childish features is leaving him. My boys. My precious boys. Life is impermanent, enjoy every moment of it, nothing will ever return.

Positive reinforcement

When you see that people make an effort, after been told to, you become proud. Especially when a mother and a son is involved. That’s when you use the most powerful tool in parenting – positive reinforcement.

Grey January

Took the boys and my camera for a spin. January is currently very grey and not much light to work with, which is both good and bad.

Perks of parenthood

Although one might not think it reading my latest posts, there are perks of being a parent too. One of the greatest gifts is to take part of and enjoy the interests and development of your kids. Yesterday it was the annual futsal cup in our area. I think Fabian has played it every year…

Nostalgia strikes a cord

Two more gifts to wrap. Then we are done. Tomorrow we have a teenager in the house, but something says he moved in this summer. Our tall, smart, kind, loud, emotional boy turns 13 tomorrow and I am just about to send his father a link to film I made with old and new photos…

A ray of light

All one needs is a spontaneous “Thanks! You’re the best mum in the word.” after finishing the day’s studying for Friday’s test in Law and order. It makes you forget the fact that he, two hours earlier, drove you mad for forgetting to make the homework due today AND “forgetting” to complete it as soon as coming home….

I recognize it

I recognize the feeling from when he was six. Exhausted, dejected and sad. But still a piece of hope.

Stupid is that stupid does

Is it so that mankind, to survive, continues to lure herself that life follows a progressive path? Because it clearly doesn’t and, what is worse, I get surprised every single time.  Life as a parent (ans maybe as a human being) is more one step forward and two steps back. I hardly had pressed the…

Not cut out for this shit

Kids, should I really have had them. Not because they are not spectacular. One (two) of a kind. The best. My everythings. But because I am not cut out for it. In periods I worry too much, far too much what is good for you (and most probably them, not that I tell them all)….

Happiness can also be…

… when the same teenager comes home from youth club only because he remembers his practice. And ALL by him self (or at least without parental guidance). Maybe that brain of his is more than just looks….

Memories & good choices

This little fellow showed up in my Facebook memories. 5 years ago. Oh, I cherish the fact that I worked 80% and gave a full Friday for 5 years or so to my princes. Fabian and I had a tradition of a weekly fika at a café of our choice. A 30 min or so only for…

Gahhhhhh!

Really?! REALLY?! REALLY?! I know, neither me or the Mr are Mensa material and neither is our kids. But is it too much to ask for a little brain activity. I know I shouldn’t but I get really scared when our offsprings show no mental capacity. This combined with lack of effort. OMG, where will…

Death as a constant companion

No, there is no known fatal decease around, luckily. But not having the boys around get me thinking of loosing them. The risk is as big (or little) as the sit in the neighboring room, but it gets so much more scary and more frequent (uninvited) companion in my mind when they are not around….

Happy Mother’s day – to me

It’s almost 13 years ago I became a mother. Kids have always been part of my “life plan”, but I never felt that strong conviction in my soul that I must become a mother – until the day I actually became one. From that day, they have been the most important beings in my life….

Mental mayhem 

Snap! There it went. If my Wednesday was me accepting the mother-of-the-day-award. Today was when they ripped it out of my hands. A really disappointing encounter with Sam, led to public scolding to the extent a total stranger started to talk with me (remember folks, we are Swedish we never talk to strangers) and it…

Who on earth?

Yesterday, during lunch, the Mr reminded me that we once had julbord at the restaurant we were at. And I remembered. And, then I remembered that the kids were with us. Seriously, who in their right mind would let us have kids. Who allowed us into a restaurant at all? For sure, teens or 10…

Zlatan is in da house

In our family we have entered a new era. The era of young boys smelling gooood. For Christmas and birthday our sons got things to make them smell favourably. And it sure smells. Walking into F’s room is like walking into a mist of early manhood. I do wonder if anything is actually sprayed on…

12 years of bliss

Well, maybe not really, but more or less. My personality type focus on the positives. We have had our shares of downs and will continue to have it during the years to come (apparently that is what life is all about). But in retrospect we’ve handled them and that’s what matters, right? Yesterday he turned…

Redundant

I remember the times when all I asked for was 10 minutes by myself. Preferably doing something fun and semi-rewarding but I’d settle for alone-time in the bathroom. But not even that was possible. I also remembered the time when both of the kids where off on playdates and I got so much free time…

Mother’s day

The scent of the Lillies of the valley standing on the kitchen table reach my anosmia and reminds me that they summer together with the last day of school IS here (even if the whether tells me differently). Yesterday (Swedish Mother’s day) was spent at my childhood home (most probably for the last time) as my…