History repeats itself

I remember it as it was yesterday. The Mr and I was leaving the hospital with our firstborn for the first time. The midwife (or if it was a nurse) said: “Don’t forget, now you have a new boss.”

At the time I got offended (of course), which I didn’t show (could have happen). I knew it was no longer me or the Mr who dictated things. I knew it, even if I hadn’t lived it yet. I was (and am) an educated woman.

What I didn’t know was how I would feel about the fact that I couldn’t decide things anymore. This was a process that took about 1.5 month to overcome.

“At the age of 14, the young boy starts to bond and relate more to his father. Rejecting and leaving his mother. It is totally natural in the life of the teenager and part of  his liberation. He’ll be back with his mother at 19, with a blond by his side.”

The words above is how I remember child pshycologist Louise Hallin to put it.

I knew it was coming, I know it’s how life is. What I didn’t know was how fast it came, when it came and I for sure did not know how it would feel.

I feel rejected. I feel (and probably look in his eyes) as an alien. I feel like I lost the love of my life.

I’ll give it 45 days. Then I am done, then I know how to relate to my new role and position. And just bring me this blond one, I will do my outmost not to show her she won’t be good enough for my son.


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