As always when the year comes to an end, I start to summarize the learnings I have done. What have 2018 taught me and what should I do with them for 2019?
2018 verified that life is not back or white. Something I’ve known my entire grown-up life. But, what 2018 have taught me, is that the grey shades are so many more than I previously thought. It’s a complex insight. Because, it makes me more tolerant to others and their experiences, while at the same time, it makes me less tolerant to those who are assured that life IS very black or white.
I need to accept that you are you
This year being a parent have, in the most straightforward way, helped me understand that I am important. That the values I stand for are important. While at the same time, some of our kids still need to do stuff their own way.
This insight, to accept what my children are (and are not), have, and still is excruciatingly hard to accept. It is hard to stand beside and learn that the people you love the most, do the most stupid (or at least quite stupid) things. It’s hard to not loose faith that your values, that you thought you taught them, still are important and continue to have them present just to the right level.
The original sin
I believe in the original sin. Or let me say nature and nurture. We learn and take after our parenting characteristics and ways from our parents. And no wonder we inherit them! We were being exposed to them when we were children ourselves, at a time when when we were susceptible and when our parents were fumbling in their own security of how to be a parent.
What I can do, is to change the characteristics I don’t approve of now when I’ve acknowledged that I have them. I can change. Just like I’m convinced that my parents did with one of their originals sins.
2019 I will continue to become a better version of myself. For the sake of myself and my family. I will continue to tackle the fact that I don’t like selfish people (and boy, we all are at times). But instead of anger and irritation I will, encourage of my friends, show these people an alternative path. So, far I have failed miserably. On the other hand it is not 2019 yet.
For my children I need to continue to learn to accept what they aren’t and how to relate to this. Continue to love my them and spread my values like biggest layer of love/value-spread all over them.